Plain Folks Bravery

Bravery is a lot like beauty, it seems.  It’s in the eye of the beholder.

We quickly apply it to soldiers who stand firm or fight, whichever is required.  We apply it to firefighters and policemen who don’t shrink or shirk in times of duty.  Those who face a devastating death of someone they love and carry on are called courageous.  We also sometimes describe people as brave when they buck societal norms and face scorn.

Any of the above can be done for reasons other than bravery, but that doesn’t negate the use of the word.  The motives determine the correct descriptor, and those can’t be easily seen.

But in any of the above situations, the meaning is doing something that is difficult and is done for loftier reasons than self-satisfaction or bragging rights.  I long ago heard “Brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared — it means that you carry on even when you are.”

I have a friend who was given a diagnosis of terminal cancer, and she has been fighting for over 2 years.  She would quickly tell you she is no hero, but I think she is. If she didn’t feel fear, she would be an idiot (in the classic sense of the word) or be in denial.  Instead she has chosen (chosen!) to keep putting one foot ahead of the other to reach the next goal rather than giving herself over to despair and ceasing to invest her life in others.  I know that she has had times of despair, but eventually she picked up and did the next thing.  That takes guts or balls or whatever you use to describe it.

We won’t all be called to face that kind of circumstance.  What of those of us who want to be brave, but don’t see ourselves being so?

A story I happened upon recently was that of a woman (the author) whose brother came for a visit. She is a wife and mother, and an inspirational speaker.  She is working to cut down on the busy-ness of her life to focus on Being, which is the subject of her book. He is a true adventurer, sailing around the world, jetting off to new escapades constantly.  Single, unfettered, not responsible for or to anyone else. He told her how he was often called “brave” for setting out on his adventures.  

Then he told her (my paraphrase), “But I look at you and (husband’s name), and your family, and you are the brave ones.”  He went on to say how it is hard to deal with the same people day after day, loving them, comforting them, challenging them, and have them do and be all those things with you even when you’re at your worst.  

I think he’s right.  Being vulnerable is hard.  Being patient and long suffering is hard. Having to see your faults and weaknesses reflected back to you in tough and/or intimate situations with those who know you best is hard.  There are many times we want to run away, whether literally or by closing up.

But putting it in those terms is helpful.  It helps me remember that when I drive home tonight, it’s not just boring workaday life.  Instead, I have a wonderful privilege and challenge awaiting.  I can bravely do the everyday things (dharma — the things that keep my life from falling apart) with love and with excellence.  I can bravely be vulnerable with my husband and do what I can to lighten any burdens or sorrows he bears. I can continue being engaged with my children and friends and family members with an open heart, taking the risk of being hurt or suffering loss.

I believe that many things about our society can cause us to be less connected, fearful  In addition to general social media being in our ears, knowing as much as we do about global situations often dulls our senses to what’s going on around us.  And in truth, those things around us, those things that call for real bravery, are the only things we can actually do something about.

So I place this here as a reminder, a booster shot, if you will, for you and me.  There likely won’t be a meme about this kind of courage and definitely not a movie a la Braveheart!  But living everyday life consistently and well is a powerful thing, and we need more of it.  Fact is we need more of that than of anything else.

“Courage is not limited to the battlefield or the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody’s looking…”  Charles Swindoll