Treat Yourself

There were many years where self-care wasn’t on my radar screen.  It wasn’t because I was so busy with others’ overwhelming needs.  It was because I thought self-care = selfishness.  Fortunately, there came a day when it dawned on me that self-care is in actuality a prerequisite for taking good care of others. I believe it’s a prerequisite in that you can be less distracted if you’ve done for yourself, AND it sets a healthy example.  After all, Jesus told his followers to “love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

The first step for me was taking care of my fingernails.   May seem a small thing, but considering my longstanding habit of neglect and mistreatment of them, it was a big deal.  And I liked it.

Comme d’habitude, the first step affirmed and confirmed itself, and I was spurred on to more.  Nail care led to the harder stuff of exercise and better nutrition after I honestly looked at a picture of myself and the word “sloppy” was what came to mind.  The trend continued as I remembered my love for textures and colors and slowly began upgrading my wardrobe from cotton neutrals (everything in my closet was brown, black, or gray).  

I was addicted.

“Treat yourself like someone you’re responsible for helping.”  This simple sentence (must give credit to Dr. Jordan Peterson) has clarified how I wish to go about it.  It isn’t a matter of pampering oneself with frequent vacations and spa trips, nor pumping up one’s self-importance or self-esteem with pithy phrases.  Though it could include those at times, it’s about consciously doing what’s best for yourself.  Generally, I enjoy doing that, but there are times when lethargy or manic behavior takes over.  In such times, I actually ask myself “What would the person responsible for helping me (also me) tell me to do?”  The answer might be “Get up and ‘do the next thing’”, or it might be “Stop buzzing around and go do nothing for awhile.”  Or “Get out of the sun now if you don’t want skin cancer!”  And one I hear often — “Do not watch another episode.  Turn out your light now.”

I can still feel guilty every now and then, but more often than not, it affirms itself when I take a good step.  No doubt, I sometimes err on the side of too much self-care — my Loft credit card bill says so occasionally…..

But in general, I know myself to be in a much better place than years ago when I thought I was being so unselfish.  I’m happier, healthier, and, I think, more able to give.  May it continue to be so.