When Death comes close, all things change, even if only for a little while.
I type this at the close of our Sassafras’ final day of life. She was a sweet black and white indoor kitty that lived here for 16 years as a gentle and quiet princess who loved Paul and tolerated me. After all, my being here for just 5 years, I was still the new woman. I had encroached on her territory.
But this loss is just the most recent. It has been a year of various forms of loss. We each saw a parent succumb to death, just a week apart, in May. In July our Khaki Cat left one morning on his usual jaunt about the property, whatever that was, and he never came back home. Next were some kinds of losses that won’t show up in obits or on Facebook, but the effects can be just as difficult, maybe more. And then today, a perfect golden fall day, we had to say our goodbyes to Sass.
After that week in May when we saw my stepmother and Paul’s father buried, I felt that while life buzzed all around, some things stood still. I remember looking at the trees, and they seemed altered. No, it was more that I felt altered. Oddly I felt more in tune with nature — closer to something that transcends the usual day-to-day thoughts I have about the traffic or what time I need to be where. The trees and I were all just swaying with the winds that came without much choice in the matter and without regard to time.
Another symptom of Death’s nearness was a rawness. I felt like I imagine a sheep may feel after being shorn — a vulnerability because the outer layer is gone, somehow peeled away. All the instincts of self-protection and the need to huddle together with the other such shorn sheep were in play.
And finally, while there was the knowledge that Inez and Mr. Gip were gone in any form that I had ever known them, there was, along with it, the sense that they were more present than ever. Perhaps that can be explained because death causes us to think back on that person’s life – what they stood for, what mattered most to them. Then again, maybe they are in some sense closer after death than they could be when they were bound to one time and one place in a body. Maybe we become bigger —less confined — after death.
There’s always the temptation to dress Death and Grief up a bit to attempt to make them hurt less. We compliment the funeral home on how “real” the person looks, and we talk about what a good life the person had, etc. There’s nothing wrong with that; we’re all coping the best we can. But there is also something good, almost holy, about just letting it hurt, about letting that rawness do its work.
In this year when grief has been present with me more often than not, I’ve discovered that in the most odd and contradictory way, Death has caused me to feel both lost and refreshed. When Death comes close, all things change. Or mostly, we change.
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חשוב לנו לחלוק אתכם גם מדריך קצר עם.
ככל שתמסרו יותר מידע, כך הוא יוכל להתאים לכם
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שירותי ליווי ונערות. עיסוי ארוטי בישראל.
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והסביבה, ללא שירותי מין.
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